what a tough month !?

hmm, udah lama banget yaa gw gak nge-blog..
tiap hari gw cuma bisanya memandangi blog gw tanpa tau harus berbuat apa..
karena sejujurnya beberapa hari ini, gw lagi buta banget alias bingung mau berbuat atau nulis apa..
dan ini ada hubungannya kenapa gw tulis tittle di atas kayak gitu.. (gak muncul yahh kayaknya??)

bulan mei..
sebenernya bulan mei ini adalah dimana gw lahir, itu artinya umur gw bertambah jadi 19 tahun sekarang ini. udah seharusnya gw belajar untuk menjadi dewasa. tapi setelah gw merayakan ulang tahun gw..
beberapa harinya gw melanjutkan hari yang sungguh melelahkan buat gw.. ohh, whyy~~?
karena 'what a tough month !?' berarti gw bener2 mendapatkan begitu banyak cobaan dari berbagai pihak, rasanya seperti semua orang membenci gw. tapi, saat ini gw rasa sepertinya gak begitu juga..
karena dalam berbagai cobaan ini, gw di tuntut untuk dapat menyikapi dengan dewasa bukan dengan sensitif ala anak kecil alias childish gitu. hhm ini sesuai dengan kata2 yg di kirim temen gw buat gw beberapa menit yang lalu, yang baru aja dia dapet dari komik silat.. haha. lucu memang, tapi worth it banget buat gw.. karena kita gak akan pernah tau darimana sumber kita mendapatkan kekuatan atau kata2 atau apapun itu meskipun dari sebuah komik silat..

tekanan hidup memang menjatuhkan mental, tapi sebenernya juga merupakan sesuatu yang menempa ketabahan, semuanya tergantung pada sikap dalam menghadapi hidup.

tadinya gw niat mau nulis apa aja kejadian2 yang begitu menyayat hati gw sampai2 gw hampir 1 bulan ini menangis setiap harinya.. kenapa gw ngerasa kesepian, kenapa gw gak bisa konsentrasi penuh dalam berbagai hal, dan lain sebagainya. hmm, mungkin besok aja gw akan nge-blog lagi dan punya feel untuk cerita semua hal yang terjadi sama gw beberapa saat ini. tapi gw rasa, saat ini udah pagi banget dan gw udah capek banget alias ngantuk. so, i think it's time for me to sleep. lagipula besok pagi gw mesti pelayanan gereja dan takutnya nanti semangat dan tenaga gw gak bisa full lagi buat TUHAN besok.. hehe. :D intinya, gw mulai sekarang akan berusaha belajar untuk dewasa dalam menyikapi berbagai persoalan dan permasalahan yang ada. karena gw gak mau menjalani hidup sebagai beban, tapi gw mau menjalani hidup gw apa adanya ini dengan kebahagian bagi diri gw sendiri dan bagi orang2 yang gw sayangi tentunya. dan satu lagi, untuk saat ini gw bener2 berkonsentrasi dalam doa agar Nenek gw yang tersayang baik2 aja dan sehat2 aja dan tentunya keadaannya semakin membaik dari hari ke hari. dan gw juga tentu aja semakin percaya hal itu akan semakin terjadi, karena Nyokap gw udah di sana untuk menjaga Nenek gw di Batam. Still Believe in JESUS, Ma.. cause i know HE Will HEAL My Grandma'.. Thanks JESUS for always take care of her.. GOD BLESS ALL.. (^^)/

do i need any supports..??

Actually i'm not in the mood for blogging nowadays..
Many problems that i've got for these several days.. i just don't wanna give up easily, but i think i don't have any power yet. i'm only a human who has a limit basically such as another human. and now, i am the one who always optimist and never ever pessimist easily becoming the worrywart one who easily smart under heart. i'm in down mood. and today all of my plans was failed. and it's all because of an emotion. emotion of me and emotion of him. and yea emotion doesn't provide and finish the problems yet, although we realize what we've said and what we've done. but, when all of these problems fully completed..?? i can't feel up to these all again.. i lose my power, i lose anything. does anyone cares about me..? dunno about this. but, for nowadays i thought there's no one who cares about me. They didn't ever cheer me up! i need some of words from anyone. it just for cheer me up when i feels down. but, i think maybe i don't have anyone now. as far back as now i am a girls who easily believe in people though to the new people that i newly meet. and now, i just can't trust anyone even they are my family and friends.

Until now, i felt like alone in this world. i never asked anyone for support me or cheer me up but should i asked them..? and why every single people around always support the one who always makes me hurt..? they never known about what happened with it. but, they still support him.. it really makes me hurt! i need the support too.
Throughout my life, when i still a kid i never felt there's someone who always support or standing beside me just for say : "Hey, cheer up! i know u can do it! believe it in your deep heart and GOD." and if i failed, it would be sweet when you say : "Never mind! it's not your fault, it's just not lucky time for you now. i know u have try your best. and Next, it would be your chance to win. Believe it and believe in GOD."
In fact, even now i never got those words.. it's so miserable right..? or it's not..?
hmm, but for me it's really important. cause when i heard someone especially when my parents then my boyfriend and my BFF of course my friends said "their supports" for me, it would be my energy and reserve energy. so when i am in tired and thinking i would lose, i know those words would be works for me even they're not standing beside me and makes my spirit burns and i would be the winner.
after that, they will very very proudfull of me. Unfortunately, i never got it.
When i'm lose, everyone thinks that i am a loser and gave some 'down words' which is really hurts me.
And when i'm win, everyone maybe say "Congratulations" for me, but just it or have another hide plans for me. And try to plump me down, always have a badwill. Then the invidious is when they say "U are not that best and it's just your luck to do that. I think it wouldn't happened to you that easily." Oh My.. They said like that such as they pretend me like i would not be that good.
And yeahh~~ i'm really tired now. Everyone always wanna be the most cared one, but are they ever cares someone like they want it be..? and i know most of all humans is selfish, but do we being that selfish then don't care about anyone though.
some words that i like most, "treat everyone as you want to be treated".

Okay, enough for today (eventhough it's not enough for me to pour my opinions out of these place)..

wish you all have a good day tomorrow.
and for me, it's time for me to praise and worship HIM, my GOD..
..GOD BLESS YOU ALL..

learn something new today.. (^^)/

Today was the Metode Kuantitatif exam, and yet tomorrow is the last day of the exam..
and the subject was KIP, the easy one.. yippie~~ can sleep enough from tomorrow!! (^^)/

Anyway, i really upset with the Service from Sharp cause when i called them yesterday and make appointment with their technician for fixed my Air Condt and the woman that talked to me said that if the technician couldn't came yesterday then they'd came today.. and after i done my exam well, i go to my place earlier before that i went to got a lunch first.. and they didn't picked up my phone for at least 30minutes.. huff. :( finally they made a sounds so i talked to a woman (dunno it's a same woman or not), and i asked her 'when the technician came to my place?' cause my room was getting hot nowadays.. (with polite sounds of course). Then, she asked to wait for a second/minute.. And finally, the technicians couldn't came to my place today cause of their busy and had tight time for service the other customer from yesterday. and i said to the woman, can you help me please cause i don't have anything to make my room cold.. And she said, she'll help me but there're no technician who had a free time now and asked me for wait till tomorrow.. So, i said 'OK'.. but, tomorrow they will came to my place right..?? Cause a woman that had talk to me yesterday said that, today the technician could came to my place. And she promise to done what i asked. Thank you.. :(
That's what i talked to her..

In fact, nowadays i don't have enough time for sleep well.. besides of my mid-exam and it cause of my Air Condt. too.. really really felt badly for several days.. hmm, but still want to be a TOUGH one.. hehe. :D
There are many problems that i got nowadays, and i felt so suffered and hurts.. which is the problems with my parents, with my boy and with my friends.. They even don't want to heard me seriously and clearly.. They always cut off what i talked. And thinks that i am the one who had the faults. Never want to know me more and make the acquaintance of me better. I felt like someone who didn't have anyone beside me.. Hey, you people.. Open your eyes, if you didn't known what the problems are, then never JUDGES it as you know it better than me.. Although, u won't to heard me, heard your heart and your blind eyes would know what it is.. I hate being JUDGES, and I never want to JUDGES anyone cause i know how hurts it is when people JUDGED you about your (NOT) fault!!
Generally, when i got these problems i know there is someone who always beside me and never leave me alone. and that is him, Hendy.. But, for this time he made me hurts again for the fools things that he'd done..
tired of these all, and almost tired to live this life.. cause i never felt pessimistic before, but in these case i can't stand up clearly alone by myself.. i really really need someone to supported on and lean on.

Ok, never want to feels badly much..

Today, in the evening..
I went to looking for a restaurant with hendy. That's for me to know what best restaurant to celebrate my b'day with my gud friends which is suitable for my budget.. cause i know, my family got difficult fund statement nowadays because of the World's Global Crisis.
And in fact, the restaurant that i have browsed before was closed. it would made me scored out one restaurant's list.
Still looking for the nice Restaurant around there, and we found one "Nasi Daun". Interest? We just already hungry so we chose to eat in there. Hmm, all of it was nice but the dozen is so small and wouldn't make my friends full later.. Finished, and we continued our journey to my first destination. Going to TA for bought some cosmetics, especially the foundation one.. And when i want to change my usual cosmetics from Maybelline to Ultima so i went to the Ultima II section and asked for the foundation and talk about my 'freak pimples'..
Before that, i have bought Ultima's Pressed Powder before but it didn't works better and it make me look alike a weird one. And unfortunately, i have done some fault when i make up.. I know that i ussualy used a thick make up for my face, cause i never have a confidence about my face (there're pimples). And the SPG's asked me to sit down and she would make up my face after she cleaned my face first.. She teach me how to applied those variant make up and what it used for.. and cipirilliiiiiiiii~~~~~~ i got my face more light in weight than ever before i done make up by myself.. and it looks like more natural more than ever.. Actually, there are many people that have some protest to me for got a natural make up one.. and here it would be now..
i have learn something today! learn about make up and how to count my money better than always..
and now, should be my time to sleep.. hoahmm.. hope i can sleep well through.. nitez all.. GBU always.. (^^)/

Hopefully have a great birthday today!! \(^^)/

Hi!
it's been very a long time ago since i never update my blog again..
it's been a very busy, tight and hard time for me last day..
by the way, it's ok now.. then, from now on i promise to update u as long as i can do it..
first, when i was seen my blog and there's something wrong with the background then i want to fixed it immediately..
but, it needs number of times so i think i'll fixed it next time..
then, in the next time i felt so lazy for fixed it.. haha. :D
but, yesterday when i wasn't go to the church for serve HIM coz i can't sleep enough for the reason of my Air Con didn't work better.. i think it might be the right time for me to do everythings that i have delayed..
so, when i looked at some fashion's blogs i think it could be the right time for fixed my blog (added new backgrounds for my blog)
and then, i made my own header's blog.. as you all can see, you can considered about it, is it good or not..?? but, it's really originally made by me.. and it's from photobucket.com and enakei.com.. hoho. XD

However, today i'm really really happy today..
it's all because today is my birthday and i supposed to be happy, is it right..?? haha. :))
hmm, not! but, i'm truly deeply felt happy nicely.. hwhw. (^^)/
there're many people who sending me Birthday's Greetings, by way of sms, ym-chat or facebook..
really really appreciate and thanks for them.. THANK YOU FRIENDS.. hoho. XD
i'm so glad for it..!! \(^^)/

but, tomorrow didn't a good day as today..
let me tell..
first, because of my Air Con didn't work better than in the night i can't sleep well through i can't really really sleep then in the morning when Hendy came and he saw me slept on my desktop, he asked me to sleep in my bed and he tried to swayed somethings likes a newspaper to make me still felt comfort for the atmosphere in my room.. HOW CUTE's HIM..!! hwhw. :D

and tonight, hendy made a mistakes again.. huff. really tired about it..
so, i said that u've make me upset about you.. can't u shut up your mouth for a whie..
i really can heard all that things that u've said againn.. i really know that, okay..
and after, i was upset with him then he asked to forgive him and ready for his girlfriend again..
and, i don't even know what will i do with this relationship..
i just want the best for him and for our relationship.. hoho. (^^)/

ok, i received soo many birthday greetings from my friend in facebook which is the friends i know and i don't know.. really happy and really appreciate it..

and i will post some photos when i blow up my cake with Hendy in my room at 12.01am.. hoho. XD

here are the pics..

when i asked a help to my friend for cut off my hair.. hoho. thanks oliph.. (^^)/

when having a dinner in Bebek Goreng khas Surabaya, Greenville.

this is my birthday cake. bought it at Billie Chick, Greenville..

take some pics with him, hendy.

before my b'day time comes..

with the "19" candle..

before blow out my b'day cake..

when fired up the "19" candle..

when slice off my b'day cake..
coz of only him who accompany me that night, and the first cake i gave to him..
then i ate the cake too.. (^^)/ and gave some friends the cake.. hehe. :D

by the way, and the funny thing is he asked me what gift i want to from him.. haha. and i'm confuse with what gift i want.. (==')a
then, i don't know about i want to continue our relationship with him again or not.. still confused about it now.. hee. :D
i still love him, everything that hurts me still in my mind..
although, some friends suggest me to give him a chance again..
i want it too, but i have tired of all hurts that he made eventhough there's many reason to continue with him.. huff. :'(

do you have some suggestion for me..??